I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
