So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
