i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
