if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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