i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
