I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
