There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
