Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
