i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
