3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hello my rib-scented angel!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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