Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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