my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
