I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
