My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
