my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think i have two assholes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
