So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
