Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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