I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
