my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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