Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
