there's paper in my vomit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
