Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
