You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
