she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
