I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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