You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
