Porn is love you can see.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
