I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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