I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
