You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
