grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
