have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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