Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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