Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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