we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
