Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
