I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
