Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
