We named our party play list daddy issues
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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