Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
