Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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