i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
