Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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