my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
