Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
