well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
