i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
