I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
