just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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