Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
